It's common for someone who doesn't want children to find it difficult to relate to friends who are TTC or who already have children. You don't have to, and you never will, know every solution for consoling or assisting them. However, the fact that you're reading this essay already demonstrates your support for me, and that's a big step in the right direction.

How to talk with friends who are TTC or experiencing infertility when you don't want kids

Everyone around you may appear to be juggling kids and car seats, attempting to conceive, or having given birth at some time. If all your friends are getting married and having babies, and you don't want one, you could feel alone and even a bit annoyed by all the talk about babies.

It's common to want to support your TTC friends through their infertility struggles or ongoing attempts. But how can you sympathize with someone when you have no understanding of their circumstances?

Simply listening is one of the nicest things you can do. You can find out more about your friend's thoughts, feelings, and experiences by listening to them. It's not necessary for you to respond, offer guidance, or even speak at all. Your friend will feel loved, supported, and heard if you just listen to them. Once you have a strong foundation, you can utilize it to connect or re-connect on subjects unrelated to pregnancy and raising children. For a variety of reasons, you two probably became friends. Plan talks or activities centered around the things that bring you both joy and laughter—the things that are the foundation of your friendship.

What not to say to someone who can't get pregnant

"You're young! You have plenty of time."

Time is relative, and it's possible that pregnancy takes much longer than people think. Even while you know how old your acquaintance is, you may not know how long they have been trying to get pregnant. Given the correlation between age and fertility, you might be surprised to learn that your friend's age has greater psychological or physical consequences than you realize. Because menopause and perimenopause don't happen to everyone at the same time and reproductive problems might arise at any point during the TTC process, it is hard to anticipate how long a person will have to try for a child.

"I'm sure it will happen eventually."

Though you might mean well, you never know when this comment will truly be realized, thus it could come out as phony. One in five women are still unable to conceive after a year of trying.It's a special season of life because of the cyclical cycle of grief that goes along with 4 TTC. Every month, there's a test to cope with, two weeks of waiting, and possibly another negative pregnancy test. The cycle of hope and disappointment often seem unbearable and exhausting month after month.

"Have you considered adoption?"

If your acquaintance is attempting to conceive, it is the path they are struggling through and the outcome they are hoping for (at least for the time being). Adoption suggestions could seem like a way to help them out, but try not to feel compelled to "solve" other people's problems. Although it's a very personal decision, adoption can be a wonderful alternative. It's wonderful if your acquaintance brings up adoption! Talk about it and take their lead. However, wait to discuss it until they do.

"Why don't you try IVF?"

IVF is a personal choice, much like adoption. Furthermore, there are numerous reasons why discussing it and other reproductive therapies with your friend could make them feel worse than they already are. It's possible that they've tried it before or are trying it right now, but it hasn't worked. Perhaps they would want to give it a try but are unable to pay for it. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine reports that the typical cost of an IVF cycle in the United States is $12,400.5 Hormones and other intrusive procedures are frequently needed for IVF.Six Allow your companion to bring up the subject of fertility treatments if they would like to.

"I feel like all you ever talk about is pregnancy"

Although it's great that you're being honest and forthright about your feelings, does your friend really need to know? Maybe all of your chats have been around pregnancy, and your friend didn't know you weren't comfortable talking about it. Maybe they talk about other things outside it, even though you haven't had as many conversations about it as you would have liked. Either way, those feelings are genuine; better still, if they are both! It matters, though, how you handle it.

It makes sense to miss the deep and varied chats from your past friendship. Try subtly changing the subject if you've had enough with pregnancy talk. Discuss your feelings with your friend, if you feel comfortable doing so. You can go into detail or just ask, "How would you feel about changing the subject?" Additionally, you are able to consciously choose which discussions to take part in. It's possible that your friend is also missing those other subjects, so you both might benefit from a redirect!

What to say to someone struggling with infertility

"I'm sorry it's taking so long."

Keep it simple. Leave a door open for your friend to talk more about it if and when they want to.

"If you want to talk,I'm here to listen."

Say this only if you genuinely want to hear it. (Here, there is no right or wrong.) Your friend could find it helpful to be able to chat to someone who isn't pregnant or hasn't been pregnant if everyone in your social circle is getting married and having kids. Pregnancy envy won't come up in a conversation with you because you don't have children and don't want any.

"It's not fair."

Even when your friend has been making every effort, it could seem like everyone around them is pregnant—aside from you, of course. Dealing with this might be particularly challenging if a friend of yours becomes pregnant quickly while your friend is trying to conceive. They might find it comforting to know that there is another person who understands that aspect of the difficulty.

"What can I do to help?"

You could wish to support your friend who is TTC, particularly if you're naturally a fixer. However, you might not know where to begin if you have never been in their position. Asking is the finest thing you can do. Think about providing some options so that people can ask for what they want more easily rather than automatically responding with "nothing."

One possibility would be to have a movie night without talking to the infant and bring their favorite takeout and late-night snacks. An extended stroll or trek would be an additional option, providing an outlet and increasing heart rate. Ask! They might just need someone to lean on when they're crying, a moment away from the situation, or something completely else!

"You're not alone."

Even though you’re not sharing this experience with your friend, letting them know you’re still there for them can mean so much.

"I love you."

Your TTC friends are going through a challenging time in their lives on all levels—mentally, physically, and emotionally. Consider some of the significant life transitions you've experienced, the hopeful or extremely difficult periods. You might be able to sympathize more if you make an effort to rekindle those emotions.

It is crucial that your friends accept and cherish your decision to not have children, just as you do this period in their lives. It could seem weird for your pals to be going through something so profoundly life-altering and not go through it with you if you and your friends have experienced a lot of the similar life events around the same periods. They can start to doubt your choice as a result. Talk honestly and candidly about your feelings. It might even be necessary to set some limits.

It might be useful to keep in mind that having unique experiences, goals, and objectives is part of what makes life so delightfully diversified and friendships so fascinating and meaningful, in light of all these suggestions and ideas for connecting and supporting your friends! It's acceptable for friend group dynamics to shift occasionally. Unavoidable change is not always a terrible thing because it presents us with opportunities to develop, learn, and extend.