Not Ready, Still Going: Facing Change When You’re Scared
Even when it's "for the better," change can be scary. The knot in your stomach when you think about taking a new path, the sleepless nights before a big decision, and the desire to hold on to what you know even when it doesn't help you anymore are not signs of weakness. They're proof of how human you are. Change can feel heavier for women, especially. You're not only going through your own change; you're also juggling your job, your relationships, your caregiving duties, and what society expects of you, all while your body and mind are sending you signs that something is changing.
It's not surprising that menopause can feel like an emotional earthquake. One day you're sure of yourself, and the next you're not. But this is true: Being afraid doesn't mean you're failing. It means you're paying attention. Your resistance isn't a bad thing; it's a protective instinct that has grown stronger over the years as you've been the one who holds things together. The good news is? You don't have to get rid of that fear to move on. You just have to see it for what it is: a normal reaction to the unknown, not a stop sign.
Your body and mind aren't working against you, so think of it this way. "Are you sure you're ready?" they ask. And the answer doesn't have to be "Yes." All it needs to say is "I'm willing." Every woman who has ever changed into a new version of herself, whether she wanted to or had to, has felt the same tension between fear and possibility. You're not alone. And you're more ready than you think.
Why Change Feels So Hard
Your brain is wired to see change as a threat, not because you're weak, but because evolution rewarded being careful. For thousands of years, being able to predict what would happen meant staying alive. Following familiar paths kept predators away, while trying new things put you in danger. That same neural alarm system screams "Danger!" when you think about changing careers at 50 or setting limits with family, even though the real risk isn't starvation but growth. Your amygdala can't tell the difference between real cliffs and metaphorical sidewalks, just like a smoke detector going off during a birthday candle. Menopause makes this worse because hormonal changes make the brain even more sensitive to perceived threats, turning normal changes into mental minefields.
Think of your comfort zone as a hiking trail that you know well. It feels scary to go off the path because your brain doesn't have a neural map for what's out there. This is why making changes to your health or ending a relationship that isn't working can make you feel like you're being chased by a predator, with sweaty palms and a racing heart. The funny thing is? Your brain often tells you about a "cliff" that is really just a staircase to something better. Psychological studies show that it only takes 3 to 7 weeks of consistently doing something new for your brain to stop seeing it as a threat and start seeing it as normal. It's not the change that's hard; it's waiting for your brain's guard dogs to stop barking.
This is where psychological safety comes in: the skill of making growth feel like it can be done. You can train your brain to accept change by giving it small challenges, just like a toddler learns to walk by holding onto furniture. Combine something new with something you already know: Try a yoga class with a friend you trust before going alone, or listen to a new podcast while you cook your favorite dish. These "scaffolded risks" help your primitive brain feel safe about exploring. Menopause actually gets you ready for this skill because it teaches that change can lead to new beginnings. You can handle bigger cliffs than this. Every hot flash you've survived and every mood swing you've gotten through is proof. Now it's time to teach your brain to see sidewalks instead of cliffs.**
Signs You’re Resisting Change (Even Subtly)
Resistance often pretends to be useful. The promotion you haven't applied for, the creative project you keep "saving for later," and the healthcare appointments you keep changing—these may not be logical choices, but they are fear in disguise. Your brain cleverly frames avoidance as "waiting for the right time," but the physical changes that happen during menopause make it clear that time isn't waiting. Your body's hormonal changes are a clear sign that you're entering a new phase, but we often want to be emotionally ready before we take action that is in line with that. When have I ever felt "ready" for the biggest changes in my life? Nervous first steps led to puberty, becoming a mother, and big career changes.
Even routines that make you feel good can turn into cages. That strict morning routine you stick to even when you're tired, the bad friendship you put up with because it's familiar, and the old self-care habits that don't work for you anymore—these aren't traditions, they're life rafts you're afraid to let go of. Menopause often makes this stress worse: Your soul wants to grow, but your mind is holding on to the way things are. When you say "This is just how I do things," pay attention to where you really mean "Change terrifies me." Your mood swings and hot flashes aren't broken; they're messages asking, "What needs to go so you can stop burning out?"
The stories we think are true are the most dangerous kind of resistance. "I'm too old to begin again." "I'll take care of my health after this busy time." "I'm just not a strong person." These aren't facts; they're just fear pretending to be self-awareness. Menopause doesn't ask you to change; it invites you to change. So, do this tonight: Write down one thing you've been putting off, and then finish this sentence: "I've been telling myself I'm not ready because ______." The answer might surprise you, and that's where your next chapter starts.
Practical Tools to Loosen the Fear
Even when it's "for the better," change can be scary. The knot in your stomach when you think about taking a new path, the sleepless nights before a big decision, and the desire to hold on to what you know even when it doesn't help you anymore are not signs of weakness. They're proof of how human you are. Change can feel heavier for women, especially. You're not only going through your own change; you're also juggling your job, your relationships, your caregiving duties, and what society expects of you, all while your body and mind are sending you signs that something is changing.
It's not surprising that menopause can feel like an emotional earthquake. One day you're sure of yourself, and the next you're not. But this is true: Being afraid doesn't mean you're failing. It means you're paying attention. Your resistance isn't a bad thing; it's a protective instinct that has grown stronger over the years as you've been the one who holds things together. The good news is? You don't have to get rid of that fear to move on. You just have to see it for what it is: a normal reaction to the unknown, not a stop sign.
Your body and mind aren't working against you, so think of it this way. "Are you sure you're ready?" they ask. And the answer doesn't have to be "Yes." All it needs to say is "I'm willing." Every woman who has ever changed into a new version of herself, whether she wanted to or had to, has felt the same tension between fear and possibility. You're not alone. And you're more ready than you think.
Stress as Fuel, Not Fire
Sarah started her own business at 49 and went through menopause at the same time. The hot flashes came with meetings with investors, and the sleepless nights were full of spreadsheet stress. At first, she thought her symptoms were trying to stop her, but then she realized they were just her body's way of telling her to slow down. She began doing pitch rehearsals with 4-7-8 breathing and planned "music breaks" between client calls. The stress didn't go away, but it became manageable fuel instead of a raging fire. She now says that menopause taught her how to build a business and a life with rhythms that last.
Then there's Maria, who had to deal with menopause while starting over after her divorce. The night sweats were like how she felt when she signed the lease on her first apartment by herself at 52. One night, feeling overwhelmed, she blasted "I Will Survive" and danced barefoot in the empty living room. It was a silly moment that turned into her daily act of defiance against fear. The music didn't make her less anxious about dating again, but it did remind her that she had danced through worse storms. These women didn't get rid of their stress; they learned to work with it. This shows that anxiety and empowerment aren't opposites; they are often the two things that drive change.
Change Isn’t the Enemy.
Fear Is Just the Alarm
It's not change that stops us; it's the fear of change that stops us. Menopause isn't a breakdown; it's a change. Your body is changing, just like it has at every stage of your life. The hot flashes, mood swings, and sleepless nights are not signs that you are failing. The pain you're feeling isn't weakness; it's the pain of change. Your nervous system's alarms (like anxiety and irritability) aren't threats; they're just your mind's way of saying, "Are you paying attention?"
You don't have to be brave; you just have to be willing to show up. Every 4-7-8 breath, every song you choose on purpose, and every meal you eat with care is a letter of love to your future self. It's normal to forget some days, but what's important is that you start over. Your body already knows how to change; you've done it during puberty, childbirth, job changes, and heartbreaks. This change? It's just another chapter where you have to choose: Will I fight back or will I rise? The music, the dancing, and the breaks are not fixes. They are the tools you need to make the next colorful version of yourself.
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